Reinventing Our Culture Through Relationships
by Eric Leocadio

Sometimes it's hard to feel like we don't truly fit in. It's frustrating to feel like no one really knows us. Many of us just want to feel connected with a community of people who understands us. The challenge is that we will sometimes experience heartache in our search to be personally known.

What would it look like if we reinvented the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning (GLBTQ) culture in Long Beach, California over the next 30 years? Can it be done? Should it be done? What needs to be done? Is it possible to catalyze our present day culture in such a way that progressively shapes the values and lifestyles of individuals in our community? Becoming personally known through relationships helps us to feel connected as a community. Catalyst sees a GLBTQ culture that embraces meaningful relationships through healthy same gender friendships, healthy friendships with other genders and healthy romantic relationships.

Healthy Same Gender Friendships

It's easy for some people to have a friendship with a person of the same gender and naturally consider whether or not this person is "the one." This can lead to mixed feelings and mixed signals. Is my friend interested in me? Am I falling in love with my friend? How will this affect our friendship? It's difficult when one person in the friendship wants more than the friendship. However, as a community that embraces meaningful relationships, we can learn to develop healthy same gender friendships.

A platonic friendship in the GLBTQ community is not a myth, nor does it have to be a rarity. Sincere friendships that are not based on sex can contribute to the life of our community. What if we reframe the way we view individuals of the same gender, seeing them as people who we can walk through life with rather than seeing them as potential mates? We can strive for friendships of substance, connecting on the basis of personality and common interest, instead of physical appearance and attributes (or even appendages!). In doing so, we can create a sense of safety and healthy intimacy in a growing friendship.

Imagine healthy same gender friendships in our community that value genuine connection. Our friendships could take on a fresh dimension of mutual respect and trust. We can begin to walk with each other through the crossroads of life. We can find in each other friends who understand our experience of what it's like to live in this world - this community - as the people we are. In healthy same gender friendships, we can experience refreshing platonic relationships where we can each personally and safely be known.

Healthy Friendships With Other Genders

Sometimes it's simpler to confine our friendships to people of the same gender because we may not understand other genders. Perhaps the lack of "preference" towards a particular gender is also translated into the lack of "need" for that type of friendship. However, our community can begin to understand and value these kinds of friendships by acknowledging the complementary possibilities among us.

Our community is too diverse to categorize our genders with stereotypes. Not all gay men (or straight women) are emotionally sensitive. Not all lesbian women (or straight men) are rigid. Not all individuals identify with a conventional construction of gender. However, exploring healthy friendships with other genders can open a world of insight that can contribute to our own growing perspective of the world.

Seeing the world through a different lens can shape the way we choose to interact with the world. It's helpful to understand what a woman feels in a room full of men, whether she is in the work place or at a party. It's helpful to understand a man's drive (or lack of it), whether he's in the work place or at a party. It's helpful to understand each other's struggles, challenges, and obstacles in our society in the context of our genders.

A healthy friendship with other genders can help fill the gap of what we may not understand. We can become more sensitive towards each other to ensure each person maintains a sense of safety in the friendship. By walking through life together, in healthy friendships with other genders, we can begin to appreciate each other as a whole community.

Healthy Romantic Relationships

Connecting with another person of any gender in a romantic context can feel exhilarating. Every individual, to some degree, has a need for intimacy. This need for intimacy can be experienced in genuine connection. However, this need can sometimes lead us into situations we would rather avoid or forget.

A healthy romantic relationship in our community can be reframed to value a sense of personal growth beyond sexual drive or emotional attachment. What if the dating experience had less to do with fulfilling desires as an objective, and had more to do with understanding the other person's life? Perhaps it can evolve into a romantic relationship in which both individuals can walk through life and share life together.

A genuine connection that also expresses intimacy can shape our community. It encourages commitment between partners, it inspires mutual respect, and it more accurately paints a picture of love that others can aspire towards. In healthy romantic relationships, a safe sense of intimacy can be nurtured throughout our community.

Conclusion

We can reinvent the GLBTQ culture in Long Beach, California over the next 30 years by embracing meaningful relationships that value healthy same gender friendships, healthy friendships with other genders and healthy romantic relationships. Through these three kinds of relationships, we can begin to develop a sense of trust and understanding for one another. New friendships can be established, existing friendships can be nurtured, and each of us can feel like we are personally known in our community.

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